I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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