Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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