If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
