I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I didn't notice because vodka
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
