I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
