There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
