are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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