there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
