just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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