just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
