dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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