i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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