i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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