he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
