xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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