How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
