Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
