I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
