please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
