you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
