seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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