Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
