mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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