They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
