I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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