He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
