the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
