i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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