How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
