i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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