my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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