I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
