i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
