you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
