Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
