You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
