remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
