he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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