i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just pee around me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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