i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
