Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We have so much sex to catch up on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
