My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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