She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
