his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
