You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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