I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dignity is for republicans.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
