It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
as a side note pls kill me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
