I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
