Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
