my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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