I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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