I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
