it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
