I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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