Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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