it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
