I'm going to jail i love you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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